Bah Humbug.

Photo Credit: TIO.

The time has come to celebrate Rome's replacement of the original Christian faith with a hybrid of Mithraism and sun-worship as a state-sanctioned alternative to the orgies of the Winter Solstice.

For, without millions of Christians celebrating the birth of Mithra on roughly the same day as the death of an obscure heretical bishop, 'Santa Claus' could never have been invented by 19th century Americans, and subsequently trademarked by the Coca-Cola Corporation.

As you are bombarded by the offspring of successful memes cobbled together from religious sources as disparate as Druidic rites, Dutch regional festivals and even the birth of 'Jesus Christ', give thanks to your true saviour; Santa Claus™ and his numerous corporate sponsors.

For the profitably of the entire retail sector - and therefore your nation's whole economy - now depends upon your excessive spending over these next few weeks, and the full weight of millenia worth of ritual has been appropriated to ensure that you will not only spend guilt-free, but feel guilty if you do not.

Thanks to the Santa™ brand, the corporations that own your world can ensure that you and your family will continue to enjoy a greater level of material comfort than 90% of the world's population for the rest of your lifes, or until industrialised civilisation collapses due to total resource depletion and the effects of climate change, whichever comes first.

All you need to do is continue consuming more than you can afford, and you will be rewarded with more products and services than you could ever possibly want or need.

And that is the true spirit of Christmas.

DOWNLOAD: Vandals - I Don't Believe In Santa Claus (zShare)

Recently I wrote about Niyi and Namalee, and somebody asked me if I'd copied it from a magazine. I hadn't. The above, however, I did. Not from a magazine, from a humour website. I read it on something like December the 27th, thought it perfectly summed up our horrible consumerist culture, and saved it for this year. However, I have no idea who wrote it, so if it was you and you're reading this now, thankyou for writing it and sorry for stealing! Message me and I'll credit you.